What a strange combination of modern and medieval these surroundings seemed to Joe. A roundtable, suitable for the discussion at hand, surrounded by walls of stone. Reaching from the center were several black metal arms holding microphones. Around the oaken table stood several swiveling black office chairs. He had arrived before the others. Strange to be early to any meeting, but he was the one responsible for writing the entire thing, so he allowed himself the high fantasy of being the first person to arrive at this meeting.
He took his seat, and shortly after, the others joined him. The four special Watchers of the Evenfall Vigil studied the room and took their designated chairs. Joe smiled at each, took a deep breath, and started. “Welcome! I’m glad all of you could join me. Today, we’re here to answer a few questions about the book you all appear in. I will mostly serve as moderator and interviewer. Before we begin, how about introductions? Let’s start with–”
“I’m Lara,” the woman with messy brown hair said. She spun idly in her chair, staring at the ceiling. “I’m a werewolf. The guy dressed all fancy with a sword is Alistair, the dark elf-looking guy who never smiles is Lyvaelan, and the ten-year-old who’s green is Hazel.”
“I’m sixteen.”
“That’s basically the same thing. Hey, why don’t we have these chairs back in the library? I could spin like this for hours.”
Joe lifted an eyebrow. “Office chairs aren’t high fantasy. The technology hasn’t been developed yet.”
Lara kicked the table with one of her bare feet to continue spinning. “Lame. How do these things work, anyway?”
“Uh, hmm.” Joe scratched the back of his head thoughtfully. “I’m not entirely sure. I think it swivels using casters and maybe some kind of wheel?”
Lara stopped turning to give him a flat look. “Casters and maybe some wheels, huh? Sounds impossibly complicated for a world with floating mansions.” She kicked herself back into another rotation.
“I don’t think that’s entirely fair, Lara,” Alistair said. “Perhaps these chairs are based on more complicated processes than just that mechanism.”
“Right,” Joe said, grateful for Alistair’s interference. “These chairs are also predominantly plastic, which is not something that’s been invented in Algendis. They were also built by an assembly line, which is a foreign concept to your world.”
“Yeah, but were the casters made of plastic? I don’t care about the rest of the damn thing, I just want the spinny part!”
“Is this why we’re here?” Lyvaelan sighed. “To talk about chairs?”
“I think it’s kind of interesting,” Hazel said, clearly coming to Joe’s defense.
“No, Lyvaelan’s right,” the author said. “We’ve gotten off-topic. I was”–he frowned and consulted his notes–“asking for introductions. This time, I want each of you to say your name and a little about yourselves that won’t spoil the book. Maybe say where you’re from originally, what species you are, and so on. Let’s start with Hazel.”
“Oh, okay.” She straightened and leaned into the microphone. “Hi, I’m Hazel. I’m a sixteen-year-old girl living in Coruvaine, which is the capital city of the kingdom of Ethelian. I’m an only child, and I’m happy to be here.” She leaned back and looked at Joe expectantly.
He coughed. “Maybe say a little something about how you were recruited…?”
“Right!” She leaned forward again. “I died by falling from a tree and then came back to life through some kind of magic that I guess also turned me green.” She looked back at Joe. “Is that good, or…?”
He smiled. “That’s perfect. Thank you, Hazel. Next let’s move to–”
“How do we know how microphones work?” Lara suddenly asked. “I mean, we’re in a ‘high fantasy world,’ whatever that means, but we know that leaning toward them means they pick up our voices better?”
Joe strummed his fingers on the table. They would never get anywhere if the conversation kept getting derailed. “The room is coated in handwavium. It’s literally the answer to any question you have. Want to know how you reached this place? Handwavium. Want to know how you’re speaking English even though you only know imperial common? Handwavium. Want to know how the author got into a conversation in a room with his characters? Handwavium. From now on, if you have a question for why something is the way it is, that is the answer: HANDWAVIUM. Please stop interrupting, Lara, or nothing will get done. Now Alistair, please, save the conversation and introduce yourself.”
He stood and bowed. “I am Alistair zar Erythis, youngest son of Venarius zar Erythis, Lord of Noxphetalis and King of the Nosferatu. My pale complexion is naturally due to my vampiric nature. I have lived with His Majesty King Aldric’s family in Coruvaine for the last twenty years as a political hostage to both solidify the bonds between our nations and to learn the customs of this nation.” He glanced at Joe. “Is that a satisfactory introduction?”
“Yeah, it’s great. Okay, Lyvaelan you’re up.”
He sighed. “If I must.” His large red eyes stared at the table. “I’m Lyvaelan. I am”–he stopped to glance at Hazel, who smiled encouragingly–“half-dark elf, half warlock. I previously lived in Elliara, within the branches of Chaldra. My powers are unstable and make many view me as a threat.”
“Good, and–”
“I’m Lara. I like to punch things. For a while I was the undefeated champion of the power fighting ring in Treland. I beat the shit out of all kinds of people who’d challenge me. If I had to summarize my role here, I would say I’m the resident badass.”
“Yes, you would say that,” Alistair remarked dryly.
“Regardless,” Joe interjected, “we have questions to get to. Not all of you need to answer each one, just answer them however you would normally.” He looked down at his notes. “First question: where did the monsters come from?”
There was silence around the table as they all looked at one another. Finally, Lara said, “I don’t know, the mountains? The forests? Monsters come from all kinds of places.”
Alistair crossed his arms. “I think it might help if we understood the parameters of the question a little better.”
Joe squinted at the ceiling. “I think what the question means is, how did monsters come to exist in the world? Who created them, that sort of thing.”
“Well, the gods did,” Lara said. “Right?”
“Not entirely,” Lyvaelan said softly. “Hippogriffs were created by spellcasters from horses and griffins thousands of years ago. Some sidhe are generated spontaneously as well. Garo himself is an example. A dog buried at a church graveyard or cemetery may become a grim.”
“Those answers are as good as any,” Joe said. “It’s a hard question for any of you because you don’t know their actual origins.”
Hazel blinked. “Wait, do you know?”
All eyes turned toward the author.
“Uh, well, I have some ideas, but this isn’t about me.”
Lara crossed her arms. “Holding out on us, huh Word-Boy?”
“I–what? Nevermind. Next question: is magic based on lots of rules, or is it more mysterious?”
“Yes,” Lyvaelan replied.
Joe waited several seconds for further elaboration that never came. “Much as I love answering either-or questions that way, it isn’t very helpful for most people. Is there anything else you’d like to say?”
“Not really,” he said. “The answer is both. Humans create rules for how things behave because they think it equates to understanding. Just because magic typically acts one way does not mean it always will or always has.”
“Fair enough,” Joe said. “Next question: How common is magic? Do peasants have light spells for their homes? How do they start fires–with cantrips or flint and steel?”
Hazel frowned. “I guess as the resident peasant, I’ll have to speak for my people. Magic is pretty common in public utilities but not so much for private convenience. For example, the streets in many areas of Coruvaine are lit with magelamps. The sewers also use magic to assist with the flow of sewage and odors. Magic isn’t used in many houses because it’s expensive. Magelamps in a person’s home would be kind of fancy, I think, especially since candles work just as well. Flint and steel is the main way we make fires. Most can’t create fire with magic, and if we did, we probably wouldn’t count as ‘peasants’ anymore.”
“Here’s another question, this time about monsters again: are all monsters life-threatening, or are some just pests?”
Lara propped her feet up on the table and leaned back. “Most monsters are just pests to me. Haven’t come across one yet that was really ‘life-threatening.’”
Joe narrowed his eyes at her. “That may change in the near future.”
She blew a raspberry but then appeared to mull the statement over as well as who said it and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.
“I would say that some monsters are merely a nuisance, while others are dangerous bordering on lethal,” Alistair said. “Amphisbaenae, for example, are monsters but hardly dangerous.”
“Not entirely true,” Lyvaelan said. “Their venom is deadly to humans and most animals.”
“Really?” Hazel said. “I don’t think I knew that. You’re talking about the double-headed snakes that turn into a hoop to roll away, right? The ones with the funny little legs?”
“Yes,” Lyvaelan replied. “They could easily kill a horse with the smallest dose of their venom.”
“Wow,” she said, sitting back. “We would chase those all the time when I was younger. I guess it’s good we never caught one.”
“They avoid confrontations with larger creatures when possible. Biting is usually reserved for prey and they only bite predators if there is no other option.”
“Well, you heard it here first,” Joe said with a smile. “Don’t chase rolling two-headed snakes because they might be venomous. Final question–and it’s a fun one! What do you do for fun? Someone other than Lara start.”
“I like reading,” Hazel offered. “I also used to go out with friends into the woods to climb trees and have races and things like that. Nowadays, though, I mostly just read.”
“Much like Miss Enda, I, too, am an avid reader,” Alistair said. “I enjoy training with my sword, sewing, and having conversations with people I can learn from.”
“Boring,” Lara said. “Me? I prefer alcohol, especially if it’s part of a barhopping adventure. Eating is fun, especially when there’s a ton. Running in the woods is great too, especially if it’s because I’m chasing something… or someone.”
“Sure,” Joe hesitated. “Lyvaelan, what about you?”
“Pfft. I don’t think he has any idea what ‘fun’ even–” a snap came from Lyvaelan and a blue bubble formed around Lara’s head, blocking any sound from escaping.
“I have fun sometimes,” Lyvaelan said levelly. “Especially when there’s peace and quiet.” He turned to Joe. “I don’t have many hobbies, but I meditate and paint.”
“You paint?” Hazel asked.
“I’m surprised as well,” Alistair said. “Why did none of us know this?”
He shrugged. “It never came up in conversation and we had more important things going on.”
Joe checked his watch and realized that the interview had run longer than expected–about three pages longer, in fact. “Alright, we’re going to have to end for today. I want to thank each of you for joining me, and I hope you will come back to answer more questions in the future!”
“Thanks, Joe!” Hazel said. “We were glad to be here.”